Genesis 4:18

“To Enoch was born Irad, and Irad was the father of Mehujael, and Mehujael was the father of Methushael, and Methushael was the father of Lamech.”  Genesis 4:18

So Cain became a grandfather and then a great grandfather and his line went on.  Despite his murder of his brother, God allowed him to have a family.  They had some interesting names.  Irad means "fugitive," Mehujael means "smitten of God," and Methushael means "man who is of God."  The meaning of Lamech is unknown.

Genesis 4:17

"Cain made love to his wife, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Enoch.  Cain was then building a city, and he named it after his son Enoch.” Genesis 4:17

So if Cain was a restless wanderer how did he build a city?  Back in verse 12, God told Cain that the ground would no longer yield crops for him and he would be a restless wanderer on the earth.  It doesn't sound like this was temporary punishment.  One translator argues that end of verse 12 should actually read, "with dire calamity and fear you will exist upon the earth."  So Cain built the city in an effort to protect himself.  

He named his son and the city Enoch which means "dedicated."  One can only speculate about what he was dedicating his son and this new city to.  Was it God?  Was it safety?  At this point there is no evidence whether Cain continued his life in conflict with God or if he turned to to God for the remainder of his time on Earth.  He talked to God, so he would have a hard time denying the Almighty's existence, but just because you believe something exists doesn't mean you accept it's authority over your life.  Only God knows which Cain choose.

Genesis 4:16

"So Cain went out from the Lord's presence and lived in the land of Nod, east of Eden."  Genesis 4:16

So did Cain leave God or is that just signalling the end of their conversation?  Is this one of those instances where we don't like what we hear from God so we turn our backs on him?  Or is this just pointing out that Cain went out and lived as a wanderer as God had said he would?  The Qbible translates that lived as "married" and Nod as "vagrancy" or "wandering".  Although the land could have been named that later because Cain wandered there.  

I have to wonder who Cain married.  Was it one of his sisters that Adam and Eve had later?  Or did God create other people also?  Was incest wrong?  If it was wrong wouldn't God give them a way to "go forth and multiple" without sinning?  Are there things that were not sins then that are now?

Genesis 4:15

"But the Lord said to him, 'Not so; if anyone kills Cain, he will suffer vengeance seven times over.'  Then the Lord put a mark on Cain so that no one who found him would kill him."  Genesis 4:15

God is reassuring Cain that he still has God's protection and as a reminder of that protection he is given a mark.  What does that say about our God that he still loved Cain even after Cain committed the first murder and killed his own brother?  Cain did something wrong - something terrible, but that doesn't make it okay to commit that same act on him. 

The "vengeance seven times over" is curious.  The first time seven was used, was God resting on the seventh day and now here it is again.  The number seven signifies perfect completion.  So is this saying whoever would kill Cain would receive the perfect vengeance?  It would be coming from God.

Can we ask or expect this same love from God for ourselves now?  Yes, God, I know I <stole, lied, gossiped, (insert sin)>, but now I'm afraid someone else will do the same to me.  Will God still protect us from the same sins we ourselves are guilty of committing?  Or is he saying no matter what sin is sin.  Don't fight fire with fire.  If I steal from a thief, lie to a liar, gossip about a gossiper, or kill a killer, I am still guilty of those sins and will be punished.  Don't fall into the "he did it first" or the "teaching them a lesson" trap, instead, let's recognize that we all have our own sins without becoming guilty of someone else's. 

God, please forgive me of my sins.  Amen.

Genesis 4:14

"'Today you are driving me from the land, and I will be hidden from your presence; I will be a restless wanderer on the earth, and whoever finds me will kill me.'" Genesis 4:14

Cain interprets God's words to me that God will no longer watch over Cain and he fears the same end he gave his brother, murder.  That is ultimately the worst punishment - being hidden from God's sight, separated from our creator.

Genesis 4:13

"Cain said to the Lord, 'My punishment is more than I can bear.'"  Genesis 4:13

So now, God has told Cain what the consequences of his sins are and Cain has is telling God it's too much.  It's hard to imagine complaining about the consequences of any sin we commit, much less murder (after all, it's our own fault for doing it), to God, and yet I still find myself doing this very thing, even when I know what the outcome will be before I do the deed.  This last year, it has been, "God, why can't I feel closer to you?  Why can't I be stronger?" at the same time that I've been distancing my self from other Christians and not reading or studying his word and not praying.  "God why am I obsessed with this?" as I turn another page and search for more of the same.

I've heard it said, the first thing to do when you find yourself in a hole is to stop digging.  I've looked around and realized I'm in the hole, but I keep digging even when I know I should quit.  I know I should pray for help and I know I should put aside the shovel, but I just can't find the words to pray or bear to turn to him.  I don't want to let go yet.

The best I can do right now is to pray, "God, help me to want to do better."  Even that prayer sounds begrudging to my own mind.  It's hard even now to ask for that.  I know what the consequence will be if I keep digging further, soon the shovel won't be just a shovel any more, but an excavator and the hole will be my grave and the light of God's goodness will be a distance memory.  Getting out will seem impossible.  One thing will lead to another and then I won't recognize myself anymore.  One day I'll wake up and wonder how I got there and where God went, only to realize he didn't go anywhere it was me who left him behind.

Even knowing this, I'm having a hard time letting go.  God, help me not to wait until after it's all said and done to realize that the punishment is to great for me to bear.  Please help me let go of my addiction and turn to you instead.  Amen.